You are not going to believe this, but I’m making it a point to read fewer books for the second half of 2022. I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but…I’ve been reading too much.
Ironically, it’s the books I’ve been reading that have led me to this conclusion. Books like Do Nothing by Celeste Headlee and Raising Good Humans by Hunter Clarke-Fields.
Although these two books have very different intentions, they both helped me to realize that I am glorifying busy and missing out on important interactions with the world around me—especially my kids. In other words, I’m not being present.
Reading isn’t my only vice in this regard, but it is a major contributor.
For every mundane task [fold laundry, vacuuming, chopping vegetables, washing the dishes] I just pop in my headphones and listen to a book. A book makes all of these chores WAY more enjoyable. However, I get really irritated if my kids interrupt me, I often get distracted from what I’m doing [I once dumped cinnamon into my stuffed pepper casserole instead of cumin], and, in general, I miss out on being present in the moment, costing me precious moments that I could be spending talking to my kids, listening to their stories, playing “kitty and owner” [the current favorite game of my four-year-old]. This, I believe is bad for my brain and bad for my family and especially bad for my relationship with my kids.
It won’t be hard to do less fun reading since I will start my masters in nursing in August [which is estimated to be a 60+ hour per week time commitment]—though my school reading will increase significantly—but that makes my time with my kids all the more precious. It is even more important that I spend the time I have with them actually focused on them, not in my head about my to-do list, or meal planning, or appointments that need to be made, or phone calls that need to be returned. But in order to silence all that noise in my head [the “emotional labor” of the household as Kate Manne calls it in her book, Entitled], I have to practice being present.
So, I’ve been really trying lately to take out the earbuds, put down the book, and be more invested in what’s going on around me. I don’t know if my kids have noticed a difference, but I hope in the long run, they will think of me as being attentive, involved, good at listening, and always interested in what they want to share with me.
[I’m not giving up all fun reading, however. I still get up at 5am to spend a quiet hour meditating and reading, and I will definitely be listening to audiobooks on my road-trips this summer because that’s the best way to pass time in the car. 👍]
Since this is my last summer before I start my full-time schooling and then go back to work full-time, I really want to soak up these moments with my kids. We’ve already had a lot of fun so far this summer and we have a few more special trips planned to visit friends and family. I want to be really living in the moment and focusing on being present with my kids.
Any other parents out there struggle with this???
Well, here’s to the never-ending journey to becoming a better parent. Wish me luck!
👧🏼 👦🏼 🧒🏼