Hi there! 👋 It’s been a while!
I just got back from a relaxing [and also safe and socially distanced] vacation with my family at the beach.
Before our trip, Brett and I got our Covid vaccines [on the day they became available for our age group].
But now we’re back home and it’s back to the reality of homeschooling [only a few weeks left!] and being at home with my four kiddos.
For that reason, I’m going to be writing a few posts about simple-living, low-wasting and minimalist parenting. This is an area that is extremely underrepresented in the zero waste and minimalist communities, probably because having children complicates both of these goals tremendously – but that doesn’t mean we throw the whole thing out.
I became a [nearly] zero-wasting minimalist after I already had three children, but I noticed immediately that the people at the forefront of these movements didn’t have children. [I’ve never seen a mother who is able to fit a years worth of trash into a jar.]
When it comes to kids, the aim should be simple and intentional living and – as is true in all areas of life – that goal will in turn reduce waste and clutter and excess. It will also give kids a childhood full of curiosity, discovery, imagination, creativity, and exploration. As a parent, it’s my job to protect my kids from all the “extras” that threaten to monopolize their attention, rather than the common view of parenthood which says we need to constantly provide toys, gadgets, activities and structured time for our children.
But, anyway, I’ll get to that later on. Right now, I want to start at the very beginning.
“Remember this, for it is as true as true gets: Your body is not a lemon. You are not a machine. The Creator is not a careless mechanic. Human female bodies have the same potential to give birth well as aardvarks, lions, rhinoceri, elephants, moose, and water buffalo. Even if it has not been your habit throughout your life so far, I recommend that you learn to think positively about your body.”Ina May Gaskin, Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth
If there is one thing I wish I could tell every woman, it’s this: You don’t have to fear childbirth.
From the time we were old enough to absorb society’s subliminal messaging, we’ve been condition to believe that childbirth is a) terrifying, b) excruciating, c) dangerous, and d) a process that we cannot handle without medical intervention.
None of this is true. Or at least, it doesn’t have to be, if women could regain faith in their own ability to give birth.
[And I’m not only talking to women here, because fathers need to be active participants in childbirth as well and can encourage and strengthen women’s belief in themselves, if only they would also believe that childbirth is natural and that women are capable. Childbirth is NOT something that women need to be saved from.]
Contrary to popular media portrayals, childbirth is like a marathon – really hard work [yes], very painful at times [for sure], but totally achievable with proper training, determination, and a belief in our body’s natural processes – not to mention a totally powerful and praiseworthy achievement that women should get the credit for – not a medical team.
And, let me tell you, the reward at the end is totally worth all of it.
Giving birth to my four babies were the most empowering moments of my life. [I’ve run two marathons, which are also empowering, but they don’t even come close to giving birth.] It breaks my heart that so many women view their birth experiences as scarring or traumatizing or, at the very least, experiences they would rather forget. [When I was pregnant many, MANY women shared their horror stories with me – which FYI, is not a nice thing to do to pregnant women.]
Listen, childbirth does NOT have to be a bad experience!
We need to simplify childbirth by getting back to the basics, by believing in ourselves and trusting our instincts, and by birthing our way.
In our society we discredit pretty much every aspect of womanhood, including a woman’s ability to know what is best for her and her baby at childbirth. The fact that we have handed over control of childbirth to men [who were initially the only doctors when birth moved from the home to the hospital] is just another consequence of our patriarchal society which tells us that men know best…even about a process which is uniquely woman’s. [Forgive my feminist soapbox here, but we really can’t talk about childbirth without talking about feminism.]
It’s time to take back control of childbirth.
I chose to give birth my way, but, I assure you, it was not easy. I had to fight [and fight really frickin hard] to be able to give birth in the way that I wanted, rather than in the way that is most convenient for the medical staff, hospital, and obstetrician. It took me an entire nine months of scouring the suburbs of Chicago during my first pregnancy to find a practice that would allow me to have an unhindered, natural birth in a hospital – and I had to travel an hour and pay out of pocket for it. And truthfully, I still had to advocate for myself pretty much the whole time. [“No, thank you. I won’t wear the frumpy hospital gown that someone might have died in yesterday.” Also, why the hell do they call it a gown??? More like a sheet with arm holes.]
So, my next three births were at home, where I could give birth in peace and quiet, surrounded only by loved ones whom I trust. It’s the only way to have a baby without the uncomfortable addition of strangers staring at your vagina, sterile beds with stirrups, fluorescent lights, beeping machines, and a long list of nonsensical rules about what I can’t eat, whether I can take pictures, and who can be present.
And because I chose home birth, I have a wealth of wonderful, positive memories about my birth experiences. And what is more, I also have a sense of my own ability to do hard things – even things that the rest of society tells me is too hard for me to achieve.
Imagine what the women of the world could accomplish if we all had that sense of empowerment.
Books about Childbirth
During my pregnancies, I read countless books about birth as part of my preparation for labor. Ladies, childbirth is a HUGE deal that will forever alter our bodies, our social standing, our relationships, and our careers – so the least we can do is study up on it! That’s what I did, anyway. I wanted to know everything about it. I read everything I could get my hands on. I asked every woman I knew what her birth experiences were like. [And, Fellas, you don’t have to be a bystander. You can learn about childbirth and play an active role in the birth of your children.]
Through books, I learned so much and I gained the confidence I needed to do what was best for me and my babies. These books are my favorites:
Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin: I read this book during each of my pregnancies as a reminder that my body is capable of birthing my baby.
Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way by Susan McCutcheon: Before reading this book, I literally didn’t know a thing about the details of childbirth. This book taught me everything I needed to know and made me believe that I could have a natural birth.
Hypnobirthing by Marie F. Mongan: This books is not as strange as it sounds and is the method of preparing and laboring that was most helpful to me.
Natural Hospital Birth by Cynthia Gabriel: This book was a lifesaver as I tried to find a compromise between natural birth and hospital birth.
Also, I highly recommend the documentary, The Business of Being Born, which is available on YouTube.
Even if you’re not wanting a natural birth, you deserve to see real birth, not the overly dramatized version that television offers. And you deserve to know what to expect [in a hospital or in a birth center or in your home] when the time comes.
One Last Thing…
I am NOT trying to say that everyone should have natural births [though statistically, fewer women would die if everyone gave birth naturally] or that all women should give birth at home [because home birth is not a safe or realistic option for all women] but what I am saying is that every woman should be free to choose where and how she gives birth to her babies. This should not be a decision that laws or doctors or insurance companies or family members or society chooses for a woman.
And, if you are a women, you should not let the fear of childbirth [which is inaccurately and unfairly portrayed in media and society] prevent you from approaching birth with confidence and power like the badass that you are. [Other than having a trained professional present in case of a complication] You need very little else to give birth to your baby.
Good luck! [But you don’t need it – you got this!]