Lessons in Motherhood and [Not] Accepting My Postpartum Body

Lessons in Motherhood and [Not] Accepting My Postpartum Body

I originally intended to write about how I learned to accept my postpartum body – until I realized that I most definitely did NOT accept my postpartum body. And, honestly, that’s okay.

But first, a [lengthy] preface.

The Preface

I recently read Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis and Hunger by Roxane Gay. Both of these women endured trauma – like earth-shattering, heart-breaking, I-cannot-even-imagine-going-through-that kind of trauma – and both women responded very differently. [Theirs are not my stories to share, but you can check out their books to see what I mean.] Reading their very personal stories from their own perspectives gave me some perspective of my own – and reminded me of two very important things regarding body image issues.

We are all different.

These women responded differently, and society would have us believe that one was right and the other wrong. But, that is not the case. Their responses were different because [DUH!] they are different people.

One of the biggest mistakes we make regarding the human body is to assume that there is a one-size-fits all way to look, eat, exercise and be healthy. Every human body is unique and has to be treated differently. And every human body is occupied by a different soul that is dealing with real life shit [excuse my language, mom] that will have an effect on their body. That’s ok. There is no set standard, set weight, set body fat percentage, set pant size or anything else that everyone must strive to reach. The standard of health – what it looks like and what it takes to achieve it – will be different for every human being.

Because, look, we are all different.

We are all complicated.

I’m going to share my personal journey and my perspective, but I will be the first to admit that this stuff is complicated because we are complicated. It’s not as simple as just eating a 1,200 calorie diet and spending 30 minute on a treadmill each day. There is so much more that goes into health and wellness, so much societal pressure to conform, so much baggage we have to carry around, so much pain and fear and anxiety – and all of it affects our bodies. We cannot expect to find simple answers – or that the answer we find for ourselves will be the answer for everyone.

But, we do have to find that truth for ourselves.

My Truth for My Body

My truth is that I am happiest when I am healthiest – and that means exercising regularly, eating clean and getting enough sleep.

Fitting into my jeans is just a perk.

Before I had babies, I worked really hard for four years to become the healthiest version of myself. I started running [and back then I HATED running]. I learned to cook [and man, I REALLY HATED cooking]. I cut back on the alcohol consumption [and I REALLY LOVE sangria] and fast food consumption [and I REALLY REALLY REALLY LOVE French fries].

But I was terrified that these healthy habits that I worked so hard to establish would be derailed by having a baby. I was terrified that I would never lose the dreaded “baby weight.”

[I’m super ashamed to admit this because “baby weight” – or gaining any weight – is a privilege that many do not get to enjoy. But that is my truth.]

With each of my four pregnancies I gained 50-60 pounds. And after I had each of those babies, I knew that for me to get back to the level of health and energy and activity that I love so much, I needed to lose that weight.

So, I chose to change my postpartum body rather than accept it.

But, at the same time, I have accepted the things I cannot control.

I’m fine with my stretch marks and my wrinkly stomach and stretched out belly-button, and all that. [It’s a little weird but I actually like my stretch marks because I intend to have a badass body again and stretch marks will be the only proof that this body birthed four babies.]

I guess what I’m trying to say is that there is nothing wrong with wanting to change your body – or improve yourself in any way. I want to love myself, but I also want to work on myself. I accept that I’m not perfect, but that doesn’t mean I can’t improve. I will never have the perfect body or be perfectly healthy, but that is not an excuse to not do what I can.

Of course, as a personal trainer, my wish is for everyone to be on a journey to their healthiest self – but I also recognize that some people are on different journeys, pursuing other things. And that’s ok. The other side of this issue is that we never have the right to judge another person’s journey.

I hope whatever journey you are on it is in pursuit of your best self – whatever that may look like for you.

❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Karis